{ramblings} on living from calling

so, here's something. last week, i was walking to church for an evening meeting, and as i walked in, i realized i felt a bit frazzled after trying to squeeze in errand-running and dinner before the meeting. it wasn't pretty. i didn't like how i felt, and wondered how i looked to others. which, led to this --

am i modeling a life that shows i'm living from my deepest calling? 

i love leading in the church. i love pastoring, and creating, and serving, and dreaming about the potential of our church. i feel called, and clear, and exactly where i'm supposed to be.

and also, i remember what it was like to not feel so clear. to feel confused and drifty about what God wanted for my career and specifically, how i could match my skills with the needs of the world. i really never imagined this would be the way my life would turn out. i had BIG plans for teaching in the schools. until those plans turned into a new direction, a leading, during my third year in college, to teach kids about God's great love in the local church context.

since then, it's been a journey of editing, tweaking, re-fining, re-shaping my calling. after working in the church for a few years, i taught in a head start school -- looking to inspire kids and encourage parents. after that, consulting, and church jobs, and curriculum. all the time, gaining more clarity that my purpose is to care and lead for the sake of spiritual growth in families and children. 

and, right now, in this season, i'm working in a job that exactly matches my purpose and skills. most days, because of the life-giving work i'm part of, i feel energized and excited and thankful. on the other days, i feel tired and busy and anxious. and, that's ok, too. that's real life, and i NEVER want to model a life, or show a false picture of what it looks like to have a career in the church, of perfection and all-the-time-happiness.

BUT, for those in my community who have not yet found their calling, or are not aware that using your life for the sake of the local church is a real calling, and job, and amazing way to spend your days, i want to show an authentic life that inspires them and possibly calls them to consider a new way of life and career. specifically, the women in my community. i want to highlight that gifts of leadeship, teaching, managing, strategizing are important and necessary in the church. 

i want my life as a pastor and church leader to reflect authentically what it really is -- the best way for me to spend my days, operating from my skills, genuinely helping, caring, and making a difference in the world. and, because doing that is not usually simple or easy or balanced or perfect, i'll be open about that, too. 

today, i'm mindful that others are watching. and, i promise to do my best to show that working in the church for the sake of children's faith is one of the greatest privileges and opportunities.

also: i like to write about calling, often. please excuse my broken record-ness.